sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
