12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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