Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
