Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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