so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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