I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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