went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
