so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
