can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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