Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
