I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize