the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
