so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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