Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
