Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
