I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
