a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
