Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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