I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
