Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
