If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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