forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
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