made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
