Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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