worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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