I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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