i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
