but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
