my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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