she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
