Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
