Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
