What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
