Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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