hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize