Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize