i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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