Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
