you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
