Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
