Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
