i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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