ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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