I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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