She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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