what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
