I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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