I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
