he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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