I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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