ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
