he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
