Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
