I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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