what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
