I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Houston, we have a squirter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
