You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
