Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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