I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
