no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
