I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am naked and annoyed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
