fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
