it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
