Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
