his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
