I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
