nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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