no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
